Civility

I’m reflecting on a post I wrote while first campaigning in 2017 for my Council Seat—Position #3. It was titled “Civility.”

Citizens expect a certain level of civility from their government. In meetings, people want to see courtesy and respect—it promotes efficient dialogue and real results. When civility breaks down, emotions can create roadblocks. And when it spills into emails or social media, the damage grows.

I shared that I would bring strong listening, de-escalation, and collaboration skills—tools I’d learned as a board president. Listening not just to reply, but to understand. Focusing on issues, not personalities. Valuing diverse priorities and working together.

If elected, I promised to lead with respect and keep the focus on what matters: our community.

Now, 8 years later—and after serving three years as Mayor Pro Tem—I still believe every word I wrote. But I’ve also learned some things you only understand by doing the work day in and day out.

Here’s what time and experience have taught me:

🔹 Civility doesn’t mean silence. It’s not about avoiding hard conversations—it’s about having them in a way that keeps the door open instead of slamming it shut.

🔹 Disagreement isn’t dysfunction. In fact, respectful disagreement is a sign of a healthy government. The challenge is building enough trust that differences of opinion don’t derail the work.

🔹 Strong relationships behind the scenes matter just as much as what happens on the dais. A quick phone call, a check-in after a tough meeting—those moments are where mutual respect is built.

🔹 Tone starts at the top. Whether you’re in the minority or leading the room, how you carry yourself sets the tone. As Mayor Pro Tem, I’ve taken that responsibility seriously.

My commitment to civility, collaboration, and constructive dialogue hasn’t changed. But my toolkit has grown. And I’m ready to bring those lessons forward into serving as your next mayor.

Civility by Amy McHenry (original post from 2017)

Citizens expect a certain level of civility from their government, on all levels. In meetings, people want to see courtesy and respect among all the members of a government body because those mindsets promote efficient dialogue. When we witness civility on the decline in public meetings, it hints at emotions stepping into play and forming roadblocks to effective dialogue and results for the community. Worse yet is when this behavior leaks into city emails and social media.

Some of my skills I will put to work if elected as your councilmember are good listening, de-escalation and collaboration. I am a good listener because I don’t just care about other people’s perspectives, I want to understand why they think what they do. Only when we stop listening to simply reply can we hear thoughts in their entirety. There often comes a time when emotions are running high and I have experienced this in my role as a board president. De-escalation starts with everyone taking a break, a leader checking on individuals and giving them a chance to express themselves unopposed before coming back to the table. Collaboration requires a willingness to debate issues, not personalities.

Every councilmember has issues they feel strongly about, an agenda. On a council, each member will have some overlapping, but mostly different issues of importance to themselves. This is valuable to the community in that it allows for a large range of issues to be actively addressed in meetings. Good relationships between councilmembers lead to better collaboration and results for our community.

#LeadershipWithRespect #AmyForMayor #CivilityInAction #DuvallTogether